


His Mind the Ocean

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Longing, Reader-Insert, Romantic love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 05:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11410950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Inspired by and lyrics from Oceans by Seafret.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	His Mind the Ocean

He’d never felt a need so deep. How could you yearn for something you had never had? As he looked across the table, he had to hide his looks from the rest of your friends, because you were in the middle of talking about a man you wanted to ask out on a date. Hearing you speak of this someone, even in the abstract, made Spencer’s heart hurt, but it was his own fault; he’d never said anything. 

I want you  
Yeah I want you  
And nothing comes close  
To the way that I need you  
I wish I can feel your skin  
And I want you  
From somewhere within

After dinner, they all started walking down the street. According to Garcia, ice cream was necessary. You smiled at Spencer as the two walked in the back of the group. “You okay, Spence?” you asked him.

Of course, he lied, saying he was fine. Despite how close you were, both physically and emotionally, a world of unspoken possibilities sat between you. It was because he didn’t know how to voice them. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that he wanted to hold her close more than he wanted his next breath? How was he supposed to say that the idea of living one day without you, as a lover or as a friend, made his heart beat so fast it nearly burst? The words he wanted to speak crested like the waves - his mind the ocean. His desires would nearly fall from his lips, only to have his brain pull them back.

But why? Why was it so hard for him? Why couldn’t he tell you?

It feels like there’s oceans  
Between me and you once again  
We hide our emotions  
Under the surface and tryin’ to pretend  
But it feels like there’s oceans  
Between you and me

You all continued onward, stepping into the ice cream parlor and placing your orders as Spencer allowed that very question to burn in the back of his mind. The difference between you at work and out was astounding. At work, you were serious, doing anything and everything in your power to help those that didn’t have the means to help themselves, but outside, you were carefree, flitting amongst your friends and pulling everyone into your being; your sense of self, your smile, your eyes…everything was infectious. 

That’s why he couldn’t say anything. Because you were everything he wasn’t and he wanted so much more for you. You deserved it all - and he had convinced himself over the course of many years that he couldn’t give you what you were worth. 

You gave him a shy smile as he licked his ice cream cone, and although meant well, the smile only made his heart hurt more. In it were all of his hopes and dreams and in his returning smile, lay all the uncertainty of his unspoken words.

I want you  
And I always will  
I wish I was worth  
But I know what you deserve  
You know I’d rather drown  
Than to go on without you

All he knew for certain was that he would have and would continue to do anything for you.

The group started walking once again, back to the cars in the restaurant parking lot. Again, you both ended up toward the back of the group. “You sure you’re okay, Spence?” you asked, placing your hand on his arm. How could you possibly know that despite the intimate touch, Spencer still felt a distance between you? “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I can see your head working. I hear the cogs moving.” 

You giggled to yourself, which warmed his heart in ways you couldn’t fathom. “You can tell me anything okay?”

Spencer nodded. His heart was dying to speak the words - they practically dared him, but his head insisted otherwise, once again reeling the words he wanted to say back into the deep, dark corners of his mind. “I know, Y/N,” he said, forcing a smile onto his face. “See you at work tomorrow?”

“As always, Spence,” you laughed. You got seated in your car and buckled up before you drove off, giving him a small wave and a bright smile. For a moment, he thought about pulling out his phone, texting the words rather than speaking, but the nagging doubt in his mind forbade it.

The words, the waves.

His mind, the ocean.


End file.
